I made it to Thailand.
Nobody put cocaine in my luggage, I’m not a brothel mommy, I haven’t been sold into prostitution, I haven’t been left high and dry and unemployed, and I haven’t died of heat stroke.
Yet.
I have been here four days and three nights and I already have a functional cellphone, an apartment, and prospects for extra work.
I have no hot water or kitchen in my apartment. I’ll be taking cold showers for a year, and I have a sink out on the balcony. I will be cooking on electric grills on the balcony. Which is, actually, lovely.
There are lizards in my bathroom.
Filed under: being foreign, idiocy (my own), idiocy (other people's), students, travelling
Two weeks tomorrow, I will:
- be finished working the asshole who says ‘black people look like monkeys’ and ’some rape is consensual’, the dumbass who needed help to buy condoms because at 24 years of age, she thought the pink box was for girls and the blue box was for boys, and the girl who knew a few Koreans in Chicago and thinks that trumps a year’s experience in the country. Seriously, in her first week, bitch corrected my pronunciation on my kid’s names.
- be finished working 12 hour days. Whoever thought 9 hours of teaching a day was a good idea was clearly smoking laced crack.
- be finished trying to impress middle school kids. Somehow, when I’m telling jokes and nobody’s laughing for three. hours. straight. I feel like the most uncool kid in the classroom. I’m the teacher.
- be finished packing.
- be on a plane to MOTHERFUCKING BANGKOK.
Reasons I am excited for Bangkok:
- the name.
- Tigers and elephants and monkeys, oh my!
- A more diverse city, including a visible gay community and more races than ‘Korean’ and ‘English Teacher’.
- Beaches
- Rainforests
- A city where drugs are available. No, I am not planning to partake – sounds like a great way to get the HIV or find myself sentenced to death, but Korea’s weird – drugs are literally not available here. Bangkok, for that reason alone, will attract a much different crowd.
- A civilised work schedule. Breaks between classes? No high school kids? Less than 4 teaching hours a day? Sick days? Sign me the fuck up.
- A more adventurous crowd of expats (hopefully) instead of the incestuous douchebaggery reminiscent of a high school cafeteria.
Reasons I will miss Korea:
- The willingness of the Koreans to bend over backwards to understand me, as long as I don’t attempt to speak their language.
- The women who walk beside me to share their umbrella or their fan when I forget mine.
- Drinking with strangers who offer me drinks on my birthday.
- Knowing all my bartenders personally.
- Children who are respectful and polite and carry things on the elevator for me, right before counting my fat rolls.
- Public drunkeness. Seriously. That will never get old. A new electronics mart opened across the street from work the other day, and their promotion? Giving away free beer. There I was, at 3 o’clock in the afternoon, walkind down the street with a paper cup of beer.
Funny things I have done recently
- Had a class full of eight year olds running around with their hands clapped over their ears shrieking “No potato, teacher! No potato!”. I told them their ears were dirty enough to grow potatoes.
- Had a class full of seven year olds with gold stickers all over their faces. They got a sticker every time they got a word right and I had nowhere else to put them.
- Got away with watching ‘Mulan’ in a senior class.
Filed under: travelling
I got a job in Bangkok.
At the end of the summer, I’ll be moving to Bangkok for a year. I like tell people that I’m going to Bangkok while I point at my crotch, because I’m pretty awesome.
Things I am excited about:
- Tigers
- Temples
- Beaches
- Elephant camps
- Getting the fuck out of the city
Things I am scared about
- 40 degree weather
- an alphabet with 44 consonants, divided into three classes, 15 vowels, and 5 tones.
- getting there only to find that I am not working at a school. “Welcome to the brothel!” they’ll say. “You’re Mommy!” *
I am trying really really hard to sound worldly and slightly bored when I tell people this. So far, I’ve failed because I keep dissolving into expletives or squeals (or I point at my crotch). Still working. Nonchalant. Worldly. Bored. Nonchalant. Worldly. Bored.
Bangkok. EEEEEEE.
*clearly, jokes about the sex trade in Thailand or child prostitution in general are unnecessary, inappropriate, and entirely unfunny. I am sick and disgusting.
Filed under: travelling
I decided to stick around Asia for a little while instead of fucking straight off to Europe.
I’m trying to act really nonchalant and worldly when i talk about job offers and interviews. I’m trying to drop Hanoi and Bangkok into conversation like it was Toronto or Edmonton. I’m trying to sound like jumping around the world is no big deal to me, and having job offers in 3 different countries is par for the course.
The truth is, when I say that I have a job interview for a position in Thailand, I’m squealing like a little school girl inside. I can’t quite believe that it’s possible, or that it will happen, or that it is in any way a wise or responsible thing to do, to jump on a plane (again) to go to a job I know nothing about (again) in a country with a foreign language and a city I will probably lose myself in (again). I can’t quite believe that I’m qualified or grown up or cool enough to be a ‘globe-trotter’, or to casually accept jobs on a different continent. I’m not entirely sure that, in 10 years, when I have a resume of countries but no real career prospects, I won’t regret settling down sooner.
I have 2 interviews for jobs in Bangkok this week, a job offer in Thailand, and there’s a school in Hanoi that is considering me for a six month contract. I’m on waiting lists for schools in Taiwan and Kuala Lumpur.
No big deal.
