i live in a very small apartment in a very big apartment building. i am lucky – i can’t hear my neighbours. i can hear one of them coughing occasionally, i hear my next door neighbour’s doorbell, and water gushes through my pipes when somebody nearby has a shower or washes dishes.
but for the most part, all is quiet. no crazy neighbour stories to tell, and i am glad.
but sometimes, when i am walking in the hallway, i hear someone having loud, apparently fantastic sex. she moans in a korean accent. she’s very, very excited.
would you judge me if i started to walk a little bit slower? if i glanced around, trying to figure out which door they were behind, which apartment this was happening in? what would you think of me if i told you that sometimes, if nobody is around, i come to a full stop, and i stand in the hallway, listening?
what if i started to imagine what she was doing? if i tried to picture the scene, imagine what was happening? would you think less of me? would you think i was disgusting, or merely impolite?
i bought a purse from a korean rastafarian on the side of the street in seoul.
ok class, remember the story about how rabbit stole otter’s fur? i’d
like you to write a story about how otter got it back!”
“teacher! how do you spell ’sniper’?”
…..and the calls from parents will start ROLLING in.
as i’ve mentioned before, i am having difficulty learning how to use chopsticks.
i know, i know. “how did you live in Canada and not learn how to use chopsticks?” i KNOW. but listen. we all know how co-ordinated i am. i walk into open doors. i once laughed until i snorted so hard it hurt. when i was in ballet, the teacher wouldn’t let me near the wall with the stereo on it. when i work in the shop, i come home covered in cuts and bruises, and once i cut my eyelid walking into a piece of wood. is it any suprise that i can’t manage the fine manipulation of slippery metal chopsticks?
one night i actually sent one flying over my head and onto the floor behind me. recognizing the serious potential for injury this presented, a lesson in chopsticks around the barbecue commenced. it went so well that today, one of the teachers brought me a present: a pair of plastic chopsticks designed to teach children how to use chopsticks. they’re attached at the top and spring-loaded. “here,” she said. “this should give you the practice you need.” it was incredibly kind and thoughtful of her, to remember that i was having trouble and to go looking for them, and i gratefully began using them to eat my salad.
and promptly dropped a red pepper onto my lap. “she can’t manage even with the spring-loaded ones!” yelled someone, and much hilarity ensued. still though, progress was made, and maybe by the time i leave i’ll manage to feed myself!
well, i can now add seoul to the list of cities i’ve puked in.
here is my travel tip for the day! when visiting unfamiliar countries, be careful what you put in your mouth. this includes alcohol you’ve never heard of and the tongues of random aggressive asian guys in bars. oh, yes. did i ever have a night.
i will say this, though: best. egg mcmuffin. EVER. i had mcdonalds breakfast at 5am in seoul. (i’m actually not here to teach. i’m just trying to see how random i can make my life)
after waiting for the subway to start up again, and coming back past mountains as the sun was rising, i stumbled into my apartment at 7:30am. i peeled off my pants (which touched way too many things in seoul….) and fell into a drunken peaceful little nap. when i was finally conscious again (hours and hours later) i was roused by the oh-so-pleasant sound of the doorbell – it plays the damn fur elise. anyway. off we were the u-17 Fifa World Cup soccer game between germany and england, which england lost, almost embarassingly.
let me say: they did NOT make 15 year olds like that when i was in high school. now admiring them is vaguely creepy.
more’s the pity.
more on teaching late!
i’ve had an exciting day, full of such domestic adventures as grocery shopping, and cleaning my bathroom.
i know. i KNOW. i should be out, exploring! seeing korea! learning things! EXPANDING MY HORIZONS.
but that takes so much energy, and i’ve only just started sleeping through the night.
and listen! at the grocery store, i bought apple yogourt. you can’t get apple yogourt in canada. and i encountered a lot of vegetables i’ve never seen before, and have no idea how to cook. and they sell this awesome thing – pre-chopped garlic! not garlic powder, like the crap we get in canada that’s not actually garlic at all. this is fresh garlic, just…already chopped. very finely, into a pulp. ready to cook with! will the genius never end?!
shut up.
i’m going to seoul tonight to go drinking with people i don’t know. one of the teachers is taking me with her to meet her friends. the subway stops at midnight and we won’t be able to get back until 5 or 6 this morning.
still have barely the energy to drag myself into the shower, and the thing about socializing with strangers is that it’s a lot of fun, sometimes, but it’s way harder than with people you know. it takes a lot more energy. and usually, it’s ok, because if it sucks i can just make my excuses and beg off. but not tonight, because the subway stops. so if it sucks i’m trapped with drunk strangers ALL NIGHT.
it will rock.
